Bin Laden and his Bush

In pre-9/11 days, when the world was free of terrorism and evil-doers, Peaches had the filthiest mouth in the global playground. She could deflower a ninety-year-old nun with one flick of her acid tongue and stoked controversy by rapping about Fatherfuckers in support of mistreated paedophile priests. Yet after the September 11 attacks, Peaches suddenly found that she was moved down the pecking order as Osama bin Laden took the title of jihad jobby-mouth, splurging out expletives against infidels and beardless barbarians in videos shot in glamorous mountain locations. Peaches embarked on a halal-style beef with bin Laden to regain her cred, which culminated in a ‘rap battle’ between the two in a Dubai nightclub. Bin Laden, under his hip-hop pseudonym ‘The Desert Diss-troyer’, prevailed after a series of memorable lines which left Peaches in tatters:

“I’ll pull down your pants the way I pulled down those towers,
Make your career disappear like a female Dane Bowers.
You live in a mansion, but I hide out in my cave,
Smoking opium all day; more drugged-up than an early-90s rave.”

But there was someone in the crowd that night with a weapon of mass destruction. It was Cupid and he fired his arrow straight through Peaches’ heart. From that day forward, she was infatuated with bin Laden and the gray-haired guerrilla instantly appeared at the top of her ‘most wanted’ list. But it was not to be. Bin laden fled into the mountains of Tora Bora that same night, leaving Peaches with only a note that contained his address and msn nickname. It is said that Peaches, a sufferer of an acute form of dyslexia, was last spotted in Ibiza, weeping outside the famous seaside nightspot Bora Bora. She wrote this song as a tribute to her Saudi soul-mate, in the hope that their paths may cross again one day:

Peaches - lose you